The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
