I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
