Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
