sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
