you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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