it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
