we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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