Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
