you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
