He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
