I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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