1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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