You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
