mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She bit a glass in half.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
