i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
