somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
