I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
