so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
