A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
