Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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