Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was CRYING into my vagina
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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