i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
