she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
