The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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