It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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