cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
