we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
