It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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