no, he came in my armpit
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
