dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't turn off my feet"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
