Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
