My friends, they love my intelligence
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
