but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
