I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize