Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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