I wish i was in the wii world.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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