Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
