I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
