I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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