the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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