You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think people are normalizing furries
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
