A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
