I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
