we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
