dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
