we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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