Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
