he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
