I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
