Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
