Swine flu is the new snow day.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
