I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
